The Perfect Adult: From Abused Childhood or Proper Up Bringing?

I am a perfect contruct and product of my mothers lowered self esteem and projected desires. 
I do what needs to be done before it is asked. 

I do what needs to be done before anyone even thinks to ask for it. 

I respect my superiors and act accordingly to my peers. 

I am a hard worker in the fact that I push myself to appease my superiors in hopes of being noticed and given something in return.

I HATE IT!

From years of my mother’s projected frustrations and second handed living needs, I am a mess. 

Being out of highschool and no longer around a plethora of differnet people to be around and associate my personality with; has thrown me into a symbolic mirror. 

Ive had to face fuguring out who i am in relation to my struggles in fitting with societies expectations and my needs. For so many years I had been living and acting out certain things based on what my mother wanted snd needed. 

Ever since taking command if my own life and doing what needs to be done for me ive realized just how much of my mother was implanted to my psychy. I never realized just how sensitive and over thoughful i am about the people around me. 

Sudies have shown that people who have had to grow up in Authoritarian or otherwise verbally abusive house holds often become sensetive to those minute non-verbal and verbal cues people express. Thus causing them to depress them selves in tough interactions.

I overthink so much and I often don’t give myself enough credit for my great personality and perseverance. I am ussually stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to certain things. 

I come from a bizzar, crazy, and down-right awe-worthy childhood.