“NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, GET UP, SHOW UP AND DON’T GIVE UP”
What I am most greatful for today:
I was caught between delving a bit deeper or keeping it short and simple.
It took me over 12 hours but I decided to keep it simple as I’m not yet ready to express my inner most thoughts.
I am most greatful for going through having to end a pregnancy 4 weeks,
I know thats weird and you may be feeling a number of emotions towards that but it’s true.
I realized just how much I wanted/need a baby and its motivated my wonderful boyfriend to try even harder to get a job that can not only sustain us but give him leway to promote him self when needed so he can be apart in the act of create a little us.
And lastly I would not have found out just how malnurished i was AND i wouldnt be taking birthcontrol that has has had the side affect of stabalizing hormones.
Through heart break and greif I am healthy again, I am able to continue working hard to finally get that leg up in my socioeconomic status. I am doing this for me and my future(s).
Side note: i started this blog to get the BS off my chest but ALSO reach out to a number of people and or groups. We are all in this together as millennials, middle class,above and below we are on the same level of Gen-y specific brutalities.
I wanted to start off by saying that this is a topic that NEEDS to be talked about. It is also a way for me to continue those little steps to mental acceptance and recovery.
I knew something was up before I was supposed to start My period. A week later I took 6 tests,i didn’t need to buy you can figure what kind of denial I might have been going through.
My in between feelings about it-
I was devastated. My heart was very torn and I couldn’t stop bawling My eyes out from the first test to the 6th. The first thought that ran through my mind was “this is our first child and it has to go.” My boyfriend of 4 years was there when I took the first test and he was supportive as always he immediately reassured me that he will support what ever choice and he did not offer his own thoughts about what I should do because like he said, “it’s your body and I love you. I will be with you and suport you with what ever you decide to do.” he cried with me a bit that night.
My very special significant others feeling about it
A few days later the day before I decided to call up a womens clinic I probed him for what he thinks should happen (he was reluctant because like he said it’s my body and my choice) he was very objective and carefully oh so carefully explained that we don’t have the funds for it and if we did he would ask me to keep the baby out right.
I asked for A copy of the sonogram-
On the 2 dAys after the initial visit which was the day I was scheduled for the abortion I ask for a copy of the sonogram to keep. I did not want to rid myself of our little jelly bean but poverty is not the right place to raise and build a child. And I feel like those who bring kids into poverty stricken homes are worse than those who choose to terminate because of that reason.
A few hours before it was done-
It was about a 4 hour wait. The first hour I sat a dimly lit room with others who were waiting as well. I was then Given some valium, and other medication for the procedure and was promptly sent back to the waiting room where the medication kicked in and I fell asleep for probably about 2.5 hours. I was called into the room and that calm Feeling was imediatly replaced with me shaking like a leaf from the nerves and removal of my warm blanket. The process hurt a bit but between me going in and out of it I think it was a rather quick pinch here and there.
Right after i so hungry and a bit whiny-
My appetite was huge,i ate a kolache a few donuts and donut holes. Probably some other stuff as well but in the hours following my procedure were nothing but a blur from the anesthesia. I slept on and off for a while. And of course The whole time my wonderful boyfriend was there calling me cute because of how hungry,heavily sedated and whiny I was. I love him so much and I am so greatful to have him in my life.
The morning after-
I felt great. Like there was a huge weight lifted from my chest. I cod think more cleat and I was no longer rampant t with stress a s depression (the pregnancy hormones caused me to go insane). I cried for a few days following but I don’t regret anything. As a woman I have the right to decide when and where to have my babies.
Before I found out I was pregnant it felt like I had a million and one issues crushing me but nothing compares to being pregnant. I feel like I can conquer any and everything right now. We want to make sure that our life is as near perfect as it can be (which is perfect) before I decided to bring a child into this world. I also love that I can eat again. And if I had not been pregnant I never would have known I was severely anemic and and also in need of women’s multivitamin. I am happy. And I can always have another little jelly bean in my belly in the future with my husband and not my boyfriend.