“NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, GET UP, SHOW UP AND DON’T GIVE UP”
What I am most greatful for today:
I was caught between delving a bit deeper or keeping it short and simple.
It took me over 12 hours but I decided to keep it simple as I’m not yet ready to express my inner most thoughts.
I am most greatful for going through having to end a pregnancy 4 weeks,
I know thats weird and you may be feeling a number of emotions towards that but it’s true.
I realized just how much I wanted/need a baby and its motivated my wonderful boyfriend to try even harder to get a job that can not only sustain us but give him leway to promote him self when needed so he can be apart in the act of create a little us.
And lastly I would not have found out just how malnurished i was AND i wouldnt be taking birthcontrol that has has had the side affect of stabalizing hormones.
Through heart break and greif I am healthy again, I am able to continue working hard to finally get that leg up in my socioeconomic status. I am doing this for me and my future(s).
Side note: i started this blog to get the BS off my chest but ALSO reach out to a number of people and or groups. We are all in this together as millennials, middle class,above and below we are on the same level of Gen-y specific brutalities.
What i am greatful today:
Is that i am able to sleep in my car @ a reasonably safe spot and most of all that safe space is in the front of my boyfriends town home.
Now you might be wondering why am i sleeping outside? Why not in his house? Thats because they have a bigger issue than just not having enough room. He has to share a room with his brother and his house has a pretty simple setup, its too small.
But its okay. Im just happy that i can finally get some uninterrupted sleep.
We all need really good sleep during these tough times right? Its the only thing that seems to not cost an arm and a leg as a millennial.
i wonder if this will be more common among the Gen-y’ers who are lucky enough to even have a car.
what I am most greatful for today
i guess it would be my car. I decided to try and sleep in my car as often as i need instead because of my living situation.
I am finally on the road to recovery and in order to continue being mindful of my mental health i need to find quality rest or else ill be back in the same spot at i was earlier this year.
Sleep, next to food is probably the most important element to healthy living. Don’t cha think?
Side note: I think its interesting to see an increased population of people (especially women) who live or have lived in their cars. Its a little disheartening to recognize this as a growing issue in the millennial community.
+Heavy drinkers during family events
+Living just above the poverty line
+Father took an indefinite vacation away
+Sibling share a different father who also just so happens to be missing
These are just a few of the topical must have’s when concidering what makes you apart of that stereo typical portion of society.
I had no clue how bad things were between my family and I untill we were faced with living below the poverty line for a second time in a 3 year span. My mother distanced herself so much i can’t sleep with my back facing her way without feeling like she’ll try to hurt me.
Hm… Could be that innate fear black parents like to instill in their children to control them surffacing or something entirely new… Who knows.
And my little brother (13) is acting like he is of the proper age to do what ever when ever. After a year of him indulging in the activities of a 17 year old he finally experienced something that reset his attitude a little. He found himself on a richer part of town (white part of town) after taking the wrong bus, which happened to be his first time riding the bus.
Needless to say with his knowlage of what happens to boys his age and appearance, he stopped running up and down the streets like he was born there.
Why me? Why us? Why the lies that we were anything other than the typical underprivileged “African American” family.
I got a tattoo of a lotus flower because i feel like one, i am one. A beautiful thing grown from an ugly and sterile environment.
What I am greatful for 30 day Challenge:
Day 2: Today I am greatful for my two jobs.
Ill go ahead and start off with what i hate doing but helps more than it hurts me.
I am glad that bi weekly i get 2 paychecks, these jobs are building me to learn discipline and the skill that will be nessesary when i pursure being an assistant manager.
You have to learn to love even the most annoying things because it could still be very beneficial for you to deal with them.
In short i will start off this challenge with something simple: I am greatful for the opportunity to create this challenge, i have been going back and forth with my emotions about my current life situation and realize time and time again that i need to get out of my head and focus on the little stupid things in life that make me happy again.
here is the 30 minute podcast link http://castbox.fm/u/218533.
In this podcast it was explained that humans have the tendancy to focus on negative things in their lives. Even if they might be small insignificant things humans for some reason cant stop turning it into something huge. It was also said that in an experiment when “this” many people were told to write out what they are greatful for each day for “said” amount of time, it was recorded that they had increased leveles of happinessby the end of the experiement.
They also stated that even when someone has a great bounce back and it happy they soon get used to that boost in life and revert back to thinking about all that might be going wrong with their lives.
I am guilty. With that said, for the next month I am going to come up with 30 individual “things” I feel to be greatful for.
This Challenge will end July 3rd.
So I was surfing the web and came across this photo. I think it speaks volumes about how expensive things are these days, and how comparably we have so much less opportunity for OWNING and EXPERIENCING certain things than the older generations did.
It May not be a completely accurate representation of how much things were back in the day but we all know inflation is a bitch right now.
Don’t any of you think there is something wrong when a meal from a fast food place can cost as much as an hours wage from an entry level job? For me that raises a huge red flag.
It SHOULD NOT be this way.
Entry level jobs are suposed to help us get on our feet while we may or may not pursue bigger things but, HA! It really doesn’t. Especially since the job market is so finiky and teeters this way and that you’ll be hard pressed to grow from there or get any where else.
I have been working two jobs for nearing a year now and I honestly have nothing to show for it. Its really only suporting my car,gas and food. But what about a nice cheap aparment? No inflation has fucked that up as well.
When you can’t get a cheap apartment in even the questionable side of town without having to room with 2 or more people it should raise another red flag.
It shouldn’t be a requirement to bunk with other people Especially if you still work two jobs.
We millennials literally have to stay at home longer or work so much harder to start nesting and move away from home. I paused school so I can make sure I don’t have an excuse to work only 1 job and I fucking hate it.
I MISS SCHOOL GUYS I seriously do! But with me being 22 and no where near flying the nest I AM FORCED TO!
How long will they keep inflating the cost of everything untill they stop. Probably when the working class is too poor to even afford their latest goddamn phone or TV.
Anyway Fuck life. Fuck inflation. Fuck minim wage. Fuck it all man.
1. A long term relationship
2. Great managers
3. An adorable little brother
4. Empathetic abilities
5. Maturity to get shit done
6. My personal responisbilities
-car note, Cell phone bill
7. People who love me and they aren’t my blood.
The main reason why I’m feeling a bit positive today is because of one girl who took my order at Starbucks.
She greeted me in singsong! I was so caught of guard that for a moment I forgot about all the negativity that lorded over me. It felt like my mind had to reconfigure its neutronic processes to help me. I felt lifted. She was so polite. She reminded me of how i used to be before all of this negativity overran my life. I was the one to always be positive and happy so that the other could be the same I loved being that person.
I want to fight to become that beautifully whimsical girl again with some mods of course 😜.
You know what I’ve noticed is that througout the years people always, ALWAYS ” reminisce” about what was and depress themselves about what could never be.
What could never be sinply because, “Isn’t it so obvious that we(they) could never be as happy as they once were?”
While that is entirely untrue- er- what I’d like to believe can’t be true because that’s what we’ve been told yet somehow at certain age flip that around to be true.
Right out of highschool I believed that while it was nice to bathe in that oh so sweet and addictive nostalgic feeling I knew that i needed to focus on my future; to live in the present and learn from the past (good or bad).
But as life would have me living in that cushy low low middle class status it was quickly ripped away from me; needless to say a few years later my family being unable to pick themselves up I find myself consistently living in the past. Its almost like I litterally can not function in the present unless I get a sweet shot of what was to get my blood going, keeping that sliver human instinct alive.
Not even that much older and living as a true Millennial adult is completely draining. As in presently drained… I am drained.
Our parents had it so much easier.
The minimum wage has everyone low balling their starting wages.
And with the cost of living? Don’t get me started I am working two jobs and I STILL have to stay home a lot longer than my and your parents had to.
Tired of trying to live in the present its so fucking bleak.
But this is only the beggining leading towards my conclusion.